Pete Hegseth as portrayed on 'South Park.' Comedy Central
Pete Hegseth, Secretary of War, has made it to the big time. The hottest satirical show in town, South Park, has featured the beef-brained, self-branded, paleolithic Homo stultus (aka Homo ignoramus) in its latest commentary on Trump and his fellow grunters.
Hegseth is the latest target of Trey Parker and Matt Stone's alternate history of the Trump administration. A retelling in which Satan is carrying Trump's child. While VP Vance, who has become Trump's lover, is portrayed as Tattoo from Fantasy Island. And Ice Barbie Kristi Noem is shown serially shooting dogs while wearing a world-record amount of makeup.
The latest episode reveals Hegseth as a self-promoter so dedicated to vacuous military rebranding that even the Trump character tells him to knock it off. During a call between the cartoon President and his Pentagon chief, Trump tells Pete:
"Hegseth, don't just make a bunch of content. Like, actually go and do something."
Hegseth, so confident of Trump's accolades that he is live-streaming the call on social media, is stunned. Trump, as he hangs up the phone, adds to his disgust at Hegseth by complaining:
"God, he is such a douchebag!"
The show embraces the insult. Later, it adds a sarcastic montage of Hegseth invading South Park, while a parody of "Highway to the Danger Zone" by Kenny Loggins (an iconic song from Top Gun) plays.
The lyrics repeat, "Hegseth is a fucking douche" over and over again as Hegseth runs around playing soldier. Between choruses, the song twists the knife with the lines, "Acting like a tough guy, posting it around the world... Making lots of content, like a little teenage girl."
Hegseth was in South Park to demand that the police release Peter Thiel, whom they had arrested in a previous episode. Despite his popinjay aggression, the South Park police are not intimidated. A frustrated Pete whines:
"I don't think you understand. You're messing with the Department of War!"
Hegseth's whining doesn't help. By the episode's end, the local cops have imprisoned Hegseth in the South Park jail alongside Thiel.
Hegseth's obsession with content also led him to feud with Kristi Noem, who once again shoots a dog. Pete and Kristi get into it with sophomoric enthusiasm. Noem tries to take over Hegseth's invasion of South Park, telling her social media followers, "Like and subscribe, guys!" Hegseth snaps back at her, saying, "This is not your content! Everyone like and subscribe to the Department of War!"
South Park, Pete Hegseth feuding with Kristi Noem. Comedy Central
South Park's genius is reducing self-important blatherskites to their puerile essence. And it channels Kurt Vonnegut, who warned: "True terror is to wake up one morning and realize that your high school class is running the country."
