Pre-gobble gobble preparations
No pardon for this one:
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Wherever your travels take you over the holidays—whether by plane, train, automobile, blimp, or a twisted-up blunt on your living room couch—have a safe and stuffy-facey one. In fact, go ahead...take the rest of the day off.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, November 26, 2025
Note: Here's the C&J schedule for the rest of the week. There will be a special C&J tomorrow, which I'll sing to you opera-style at 3am under your bedroom window unless my alarm doesn’t go off in which case I'll just post it here when I wake up. No formal C&J Friday evening, but we’ll post a "who won the week" poll in the diaries. Back Monday. If you won’t be around tomorrow, have a great turkey day. If you feel slight tremors late tomorrow afternoon, that's just me out on a post-feast waddle.
—Mgr.
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By the Numbers:
10 days!!!
Days 'til Festivus: 27
Days 'til Chester Greenwood Day in Farmington, Maine: 10
Number of vehicle miles traveled in September 2025, up 2% from a year ago: 5.4 billion
Most common type of flu bug floating around this year, which tends to cause higher hospitalizations and deaths in older adults than others: H3N2
Minimum number of years since the Hayli Gubbi volcano in Ethiopia erupted, as it did this week: 12,000
Estimated altitude to which the ash rose: 49,000 feet
Number of Republican congress members who will get their head stuck in a can of cranberry sauce tomorrow, including Lauren Boebert: 16
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 178 (including 3 plagues and 1 inspiring message from Franklin Graham: Let pedophiles be pedophiles). Soul Protection Factor 12 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Happy birthday to deaf service dog Cole…
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CHEERS to C&J's Joke Of The Day. This one is so hot it’s ripped from the latest headlines: A deranged fascist, a lifelong crook, and a sexual predator walk into the dining room at Mar-a-Lago for Thanksgiving dinner. The server walks over to the table and says, "Good afternoon, Mr. President."
I’ll show myself out.
CHEERS to order in the court. Just in case you were wondering what happens when a profoundly stupid person hellbent on revenge gets elected president, this is what happens when a profoundly stupid person hellbent on revenge gets elected president:
A federal judge dismissed the criminal indictments against former FBI Director James Comey and New York Attorney General Letitia James on Monday, finding the prosecutor who brought the cases, former Trump attorney Lindsey Halligan, was not lawfully appointed. […]
"All actions flowing from Ms. Halligan’s defective appointment, including securing and signing Mr. Comey’s indictment, were unlawful exercises of executive power and are hereby set aside," the [U.S. District Judge Cameron Currie] wrote, describing the insurance lawyer as "a former White House aide with no prior prosecutorial experience."
Trump said he was naming Halligan U.S. attorney for the Eastern District of Virginia on Sept. 20—the day after he forced out his initial pick, Erik Siebert, who resisted pressure to prosecute Comey and James. … The Trump administration's stance on the120-day rule has led to U.S. attorneys in California and Nevada being disqualified, as well.
Any questions?
CHEERS to gratitudinalizin'. On November 26, 1789 A national Day of Publick Thanksgivin—calling for "sincere and humble thanks" for the adoption of our Constitution—was observed in the United States as approved by Congress and drawn up formally by President George "Honest Abe" Washington. Everybody bowed their heads and expressed their gratitude for the greatest miracle of all: Congress actually did something.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to caging our planet-mates. On November 26, 1716 the first African lion was put on exhibition in Boston. The notes of the first reporter who covered the event read:
"Entering the cage, one gets a feeling that one is among the friendliest of pussy cats. The eyes of this magnificent beast exude warmth, hospitality, and a soul that can only be described as harmlesghfjbvhasduighghh…nn n"
There may have been more, but that's the only part of the notepad the lion pooped out the next day. Plus the pencil. And the fedora with the PRESS card in it.
CHEERS to mostly smooth sailing. If you're traveling today in your Bell & Howell electric jetpack, you’re in for some rainy weather along the east coast and northwest during your flight. But other than that, it looks pretty good. Meanwhile this is what the Turkey Day map looks like, according to the National Weather Service's Atari 2600 forecast computer:
The gays, feminists and pagans are quick to point out, by the way, that any weather messes this holiday are not their fault. Responsibility rests solely on the homophobes, the Nazis, the KKK, and their cousins Q-Anon and the conservative Bible thumpers. It’s residual from the huge losses the courts keep dealing to ICE’s Gestapo tactics, hence the overall holiday outlook: partly pouty with scattered annoying snowflakes.
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Ten years ago in C&J: November 26, 2015
CHEERS to minority status. America the great melting pot is getting melting-pottier:
White Christians now make up less than half of the U.S. population, largely receding from the majorities of most demographic groups, with one notable exception: the Republican Party. According to the latest results from Pew Research Center’s Religious Landscape survey published Monday by National Journal’s Next America project, just 46 percent of American adults are white Christians, down from 55 percent in 2007.
Praise Jesus! (I should probably clarify: Jesus Menendez, the Hispanic atheist. Good egg.)
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And just one more…
CHEERS to previews of coming attractions. 24 hours and counting ‘til the start of Family Dysfunction Awareness Day. To prepare your nerves for the maelstrom that awaits, Conan O’Brien offers a helpful reminder of some of the pilgrims you might find yourself sitting across from tomorrow afternoon...
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If the stress and cacophony get to be too much and you want to make a graceful exit, just use the magic words that have never failed me since the age of two: "Oops. I just remembered. I have a thing."
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“Whether it’s a pair of jeans and a decent shirt, I would encourage people to maybe dress a little better for Cheers and Jeers, which encourages us to maybe splash a little better. Let’s try not to wear slippers and pajamas as we come to the kiddie pool. I think that’s positive.”
—Sean Duffy
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