As we watch President Donald Trump use his second term to grift like never before, it’s tough to remember that when Trump took office in January 2017, his attempts to leverage the presidency to line his pockets were positively quaint compared to now. Back then, he was just finding his feet, figuring out where and who to push and just how much he could get away with.
He could never have anticipated, lo those many years ago, that he would lead an insurrection, steal government documents, be convicted of 34 felonies, and be found liable for sexual abuse. Yet thanks to Chief Justice John Roberts giving him sweet, sweet blanket immunity, Trump has returned to office tanned, rested, and ready to commit some much bigger crimes.
Boxes of records stored in a bathroom and shower in the Lake Room at Trump's Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach, Florida.
Let’s look back on how our bribe-fueled tyrant started out.
Who could forget the ridiculous stack of obviously completely blank papers? You recall the ones where Trump pretended he was going to divest all of his business interests, and somehow that required a giant stack of manila folders too: “After the news conference concluded, transition staffers blocked reporters from looking at them. And some photos of the news conference show folders without labels and, in some cases, seemingly blank pages inside.” You don’t say.
How about the totally fake blind trust? At the start of 2017, we heard all about how Trump had placed everything in a trust controlled by his large vicious adult sons and therefore, per whatever lawyer Trump had as a mouthpiece back then, he was “completely isolating himself from his business interests.”
It only took until April of that year before someone had to confirm to ProPublica that Trump could withdraw profits and assets from that trust any time he wanted. So blind, much ethics.
God, and there was the tacky hotel in Washington, D.C.! During Trump’s first term, somehow every foreign leader and domestic GOP politico were all completely compelled to stay there, definitely because it was objectively the best place to stay and not at all because it was a discreet way to shower cash on the sitting president.
Once Trump was out of office and sold the thing, everyone suddenly found they didn’t want to stay there any longer. To be fair, Trump began to make it much easier just to give him money directly, thanks to his crypto grifting, so who needs a stupid hotel?
“Trump coin” by Clay Jones
Speaking of hotels, how about that Secret Service scam where Trump stayed for free at properties he owns but charged his protection detail a hilariously inflated rate to stay there with him? Since the detail obviously had to be where Trump was, it was an ongoing chance to line his pockets. By the end of Trump’s first term, the Secret Service had paid $1.75 million to various Trump properties.
As the House Democrats noted, he treated the Secret Service as his own personal ATM. Agents paid $1,185 per night for a room in that tacky D.C. hotel, even though the per diem at the time was $201.
He’s probably keeping that one going into this term, even though it is remarkably small potatoes compared to what he can do now. But why pass up an opportunity to fleece the American people, no matter how minor?
Eight years ago, it seemed like quite the scandal that somehow the Trump family was able to get some very speedy trademarks in China. Yes, the Trump companies kept doing business in China during his first term—you know, all those companies that Trump only pretend-divested from?
The Chinese government approved 38 Trump trademarks in an “unusually quick” fashion. Do you really need to be told that all of these were just English and Chinese variations on Trump’s name? Keeping it all in the family, China also fast-tracked dozens of trademarks for his daughter Ivanka in 2017 and 2018 as well.
Since Trump has graduated to grifts that are much larger and much more openly like bribes—free plane, anyone?—his first-term habit of having foreign leaders buy his overpriced subpar real estate offerings is no longer necessary. But back in the day, you could get in good with Trump just by becoming a tenant in Trump Tower. That’s why the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China, which China owns, and the Abu Dhabi Tourism & Culture Authority became tenants.
Gotta show the king some fealty, gotta let him know you’ll always tithe. Too bad for all these folks that the price of bribing Trump just keeps going up and up.
